Small Groups 101

GOAL OF A SMALL GROUP:
- Help students understand the topics discussed on Sunday morning better by being able to talk and process questions related to the topic.
- Have students come up with and discuss their thoughts to the questions.
- Provide a fun, yet God focused environment, where students can discover God on a deeper level.
- Building deeper relationships with students with God at the center.

How not to lead a Small Group: (not to start out too negative!)

-***Don’t be too Talkative***
Here is the deal, students sit and listen to adults all the time! Small group is a place for them to talk, share their ideas and thoughts. If you start the group by talking a lot, the students won’t share. If you are talking more than 10% of the time…zip it! =)

-Don’t be Insecure
I know that you think you are too old and dorky to have teenagers think you are cool. (if you don’t…tell me your secret!) But the bottom line is, God has called you to this ministry! Your love, listening year and interest are all students are looking for.

-Don’t be Unprepared
Students are taking the time out of their busy lives to show up…let them know that you value them enough to be prepared for your time.

-Don’t be Inflexible
Leave those control freak tendencies at home! Rigidity, rules, strictness = School

-Don’t be too Flexible
Student’s hang out with their friends all the time, small group can’t just be hang out. We need to have content! We are sheperding students into the Kingdom! Let’s make sure that our small group times are fun, silly, goofy, flexible but at the core about Christ.


-Don’t get Walked on
You aren’t the teacher of a class, but a facilitor of conversation…but you are the adult in the group! Don’t let students push you around. If you have problems with a student talk to Christina or Drew.

How to Lead a Great Discussion

-Encourage your students to verbalize their views and feelings, however unorthodox they may be
We are going not for church answers here, let students know that they can be honest and will still be valued as a part of the small group.

-Be grateful for every answer
We want students to feel comfortable and want them to talk…even if what they say is a little off, crazy, or just dumb. I like to say “Thanks ______ for sharing your thoughts with us.”

-***Don’t be satisfied with the first response to your question***
Instead say things like, “Do you all agree with ____?” “What do other people think?” “Why do you think that?” Sometimes it is even great to play devil’s advocate!

-Keep the discussion moving
Silence is okay…but not boredom. Learn to read your group.

-Be alert to individuals in your group
Some students are silent and scared, other are bold and abrasive. We want to be aware of what students are getting interrupted and walked on, what students might need a little help to share their thoughts, and what students we need to shut up!

-***Don’t, Don’t, Don’t be afraid of silence***
If you fill is with your thoughts you are training students that small group is about you talking. They will feel awkward in silence, but it will motivate them to share. Also, what is long silence to us may not feel the same to people in our group! Some people think slower than others…give space before you ever jump in.

-Turn difficult questions back to the group
You aren’t the teacher with all the answers. When hard questions surface hand it back over by saying, “Well, what do you all think?”

-**Stay flexible to the group’s needs**
Don’t ever be too focused on the agenda to bulldoze over a students need to share, cry or be prayed for and supported right them and there. Once a question is answered don’t just move on, try to get a response out of a number of students, this will create a discussion. Also, if students come to group saying that some crisis or big thing has happened at school or in the world (example: a teacher got fired for sleeping with a student, a shooting at a school in the country, parents that just announced a divorce…) through your agenda out the window and care for that need right then and there! This does not apply to teenage drama (breakups, fights, stress of schoolwork…) Drama can be handled one on one with students, not using the whole groups time.

-Be prepared to learn from your group
You will be amazed at what students have to teach you! Be open-minded, be a good listener, be slow to speak and judge, try to put yourself into their world and feelings.

How to Ask Questions that get Responses

-Avoid yes or no questions
-Don’t ask questions that assume an answer (or leading questions)
-Ask questions that are relevant to our students
-Learn how and when to ask direct questions
-Ask questions that deal with feelings as well as facts


MAPS
Meaningful God centered conversations
Accountability
Prayer
Scripture

Letters will get you everywhere

Kids love to get mail! I know teenagers who get excited opening envelopes addressed "occupant." Most kids are impressed when they get a personal letter- especially from you! Personal letter make kids feel special, knowing you spent time, energy, and money to send them a letter. They will remember. Often they will save the letter and post it on their bulletin board.

Your letter doesn't' have to be a typed, single spaced novel. A small piece of stationary with a dozen words is sufficient. For example, "I missed you at youth group. I hope you know I care about you. I can't wait to see you on Sunday." Or, "I drove by your junior high the other day and thought of you. I wanted to let you know that I have been praying for you." Or, "It was fun to go to your baseball game. You're great. Give me the schedule for the rest of the season. I would love to go to another game. See you Sunday!"

There is great power behind the few minutes it takes to acknowledge a student in writing. Write a quick letter before today is over, it will be worth your time


-From Doug Field's 'Help I'm a volunteer youth worker!"

Hello, Pastor

Let's delete the words, "I'm just a volunteer" from our vocaublary. If you are caring for kids, you are fulfilling a pastoral responsibility. I realize your denomination or church may not call you a pastor (and that's probably good), but you are not just a volunteer. You are a pastor to kids and should begin thinking like one. You may not have the title, but you fulfill the role.

Pastors oversee and attend to the needs of there people. You may not ever teach a Bible Study, lead games, or design a promotional flyer, but I encourage you to pastor at least 1 kid. That one Jr. Higher will attend yout group knowing someone loves him/her. When he is sick visit her. WHen she has an important test, pray for her. Care for her as if she were the only kid in your goroup. You can become the hands and feet of Jesus to them.

Availability is next to Godliness

We recently asked our youth group if they wanted more bible studies, more meetings, more speakers. They said they wanted more opportunities for discussion. Their response reminded me of a simple principle I often forget: Kids have a strong need to talk and be heard.

I have a 72-year-old-friend named Marv. He's one of our most loved volunteers because kids know he is available. He listens. He's not as flashy as the other guys, and he isn't much of a challenge in a foot race. But when kids want to get serious and talk, they look for Marv. He has learned that God had a good reason for giving him 2 ears and 1 mouth.

Finding people who are available as good listeners is rare. There's a delicate balance between availability and privacy. Your phone doesn't need to ring all the time, and it is okay to instruct kids to call before they come to your home. Having too many kids wanting to talk to you can be a good problem. It means that you have a gift for listening and you love them enough to be available. Your time is valuable, but when you give your time to someone, you give that person value too.

Leaders,

Our interaction with students is not just something that makes them feel welcomed, but is an opportunity to give them value and make them feel loved. I was reminded when reading this that often times students don't feel listened to by adults. Lets really listen to our kids. Ask them how they are doing so that you can know how they are doing, not just fulfill your, "How's it going quota." Spend time find out about students and finding real interest in them. Remember, our goal is to meet 2-3 new people a week as well as continue to love the students that are here. By really listening to students and letting them know they have your full attention they will feel loved.

Let Kids Know You Believe In Them

Kids have the power to make a difference in the world. They need to know that. Their growing years are filled with self doubt. They constantly question their existence. You can empower them with four simple words: "I believe in you." These words can transform impressionable adolescents in a world that views them as "excess baggage."
Jesus did this with his Disciples. He looked beyond their sins and inadequacies (which junior highers have a lot of) and said, "I believe in you." That's what he did when he changed Simon's name to Peter, meaning, "Rock." Then Jesus showed that he believed in Peter. Jesus gave him a vital role in establishing the early church.
Teenagers change when someone believes in them and views them through God's eyes. One day, a female volunteer told Beth that she believed Beth would become a woman of God. At the time, I didn't think much about her comment. But afterwards, Beth told the volunteer that her words became a challenge. That affirmation was a turning point in Beth's life. Beth continues to grow and demonstrate godly qualities. I'm not suggesting that Beth's maturity is solely due to the volunteer's words, but the affirmation gave her strength to pursue a godly lifestyle.
-Doug Fields

Leaders... I believe in you! I know that is cheesy, but I do. I am continually amazed and grateful for the leaders God has provided our Junior Highers.

Make sure that the students know you are not just here to hang out, but to encourage and motivate them on to a lifelong journey with Christ because you believe in them.

-Drew